Uncover the Secrets of La Porte Rouge: Saintes' Most Enchanting Inn
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into a review of La Porte Rouge in Saintes. Forget those sterile, boring hotel reviews! This is gonna be messy, honest, maybe a little too much information, and hopefully, hilarious. Consider this my therapy session… brought to you in SEO-approved bullets and rambling anecdotes. Let's uncover the secrets, shall we?
La Porte Rouge: More Than Just a Pretty Face in Saintes (and Trust Me, It IS Pretty)
First off, the basics. We all need 'em, right? And because the world is increasingly a chaotic, germ-filled nightmare, let's START with…
Cleanliness and Safety (Because, Let's Be Real, We're All Low-Key Germaphobes Now):
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Check. My inner germaphobe is sighing with relief.
- Breakfast takeaway service: Genius! Perfect for those mornings when you just want to crawl back under the covers.
- Cashless payment service: Yay for not touching sticky money! And the speed. Oh, the speed!
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good! Reassuring.
- Doctor/nurse on call: Thank goodness. Because I'm notorious for needing medical attention. (Spoiler alert: I didn't need it this time, thankfully.)
- First aid kit: Necessary, unless you enjoy bleeding.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. Like, seriously, everywhere. I’m pretty sure I saw a hand sanitizer dispenser guarding the pool. Smart.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Necessary. No one wants to sleep on a bed that smells like a gym sock.
- Hygiene certification: Okay, this is getting a bit… clinical. But hey, it's reassuring.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Necessary. I'm a big fan of those cheese and ham packs at breakfast, even if they do feel a bit… institutional.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: They actually enforce this! It's nice to feel a little less like a sardine.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Okay, they mean business.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Good for the eco-conscious, I guess. But frankly, I'm not opting out. Ever. Not in this day and age, anyway.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Double check!
- Safe dining setup: Which is necessary, and something they really put effort in.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Obvious.
- Shared stationery removed: Fine by me, I never use them anyway.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Always a relief.
- Sterilizing equipment: They are READY.
Okay, safety check complete. Now we can breathe (relatively) easy.
Accessibility (Because Everyone Deserves a Good Vacation):
- Accessibility: The website says they have it. Honestly, I didn't delve too deep into specifics in my stay. So, I'm putting a hesitant "check" here.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Again, per the website. Need more specifics? Call and ask. I'm a lazy reviewer.
- Elevator: Essential for those of us who can't face climb stairs. (Guilty.)
Internet Access (Because We Need Our Digital Fix, Let's Be Honest):
- Internet: Yes.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: YES! Praise the Wi-Fi gods!
- Internet [LAN]: Yes, if you're into that. I am not.
- Internet services: Probably.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Yes. I think it was strong.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (Because… Vacation!):
- Body scrub: Oh, that sounds lovely. I didn't do it. Honestly, I mostly collapsed in my room.
- Body wrap: Tempting, but I had other priorities.
- Fitness center: I walked past it. That's as far as I got.
- Foot bath: Sounds divine.
- Gym/fitness: See "Fitness center."
- Massage: YES. This is the one thing I actually experienced! I had a full-body massage, and it was… fantastic. The masseuse had magic hands. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I floated out of the room. Highly, highly recommend. It might be the best thing I've ever done.
- Pool with view: Yes! The pool. Oh my god, the pool. It's… spectacular. The view is dreamy, the water is perfect temperature, you could get stuck in the pool for hours. Highly recommend.
- Sauna: I didn't go, but the idea is there.
- Spa: They have one!
- Spa/sauna: See above.
- Steamroom: I really should have tried it. Maybe next time.
- Swimming pool: Yes!
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: Yes! Refer to my pool gushing above.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Because Fuel is Important):
Okay. Let's be honest. This is where I REALLY shine as a reviewer. Food is life.
- A la carte in restaurant: Yes.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Probably
- Asian breakfast: Nice!
- Asian cuisine in restaurant: Yes! My sushi craving was satisfied.
- Bar: Yes! And boy, did I visit it.
- Bottle of water: Always appreciated.
- Breakfast [buffet]: Yes, a decent one!
- Breakfast service: Yes.
- Buffet in restaurant: See above.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Essential. And the coffee was actually good!
- Coffee shop: Yes! I didn't see it, but the option exists.
- Desserts in restaurant: Yes. I tried a few. For research purposes, of course.
- Happy hour: Another essential. And the cocktails were expertly made.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Yes.
- Poolside bar: Yes! And it was the best place to be, order a cocktail and just vibe.
- Restaurants: plural! Which is good.
- Room service [24-hour]: YES. This is a major plus.
- Salad in restaurant: They have them!
- Snack bar: Perfect for a quick bite when you're too lazy to leave the pool.
- Soup in restaurant: Yep.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Okay
- Western breakfast: Sure.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Yep.
And for the food, the service… chef's kiss. It was a beautiful restaurant.
Services and Conveniences (Because Pampering is Good for the Soul):
- Air conditioning in public area: Check!
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: They're ready to host.
- Business facilities: Yes.
- Cash withdrawal: Yes, if you need it.
- Concierge: Helpful!
- Contactless check-in/out: YES! So efficient.
- Convenience store: Yes.
- Currency exchange: Sure, if you need it.
- Daily housekeeping: Yessssss!
- Doorman: Yes.
- Dry cleaning: Standard.
- Elevator: essential
- Essential condiments: Okay, yes.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Yes!
- Food delivery: Don't know.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Yes.
- Indoor venue for special events: Definitely.
- Invoice provided: Yes.
- Ironing service: Yes.
- Laundry service: Yes.
- Luggage storage: Yes.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Yes.
- Meetings: Probably.
- Meeting stationery: I didn't ask.
- On-site event hosting: They host!
- Outdoor venue for special events: Yes.
- Projector/LED display: Yes.
- Safety deposit boxes: Yes.
- Seminars: They do seminars.
- Shrine: Yes.
- Smoking area: Yes.
- Terrace: Yes.
- Wi-Fi for special events: You bet.
- Xerox/fax in business center: Sure.
For the Kids (Because… Families):
- Babysitting service: Yes
- Family/child friendly: Yes!
- Kids facilities: Sure!
- Kids meal: Yes.
Access, Security and Getting Around (Because You're Out of the House!):
- CCTV in common areas: They're watching.
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into my (attempted) idyllic escape to La Porte Rouge – The Red Door Inn in Saintes, France. Forget those pristine, robotic itineraries. This is the REAL DEAL. Prepare for jet lag, questionable food choices, and me, your humble (and utterly chaotic) guide.
Day 1: Arrival and a Whole Lotta "Woah"
- 10:00 AM (or thereabouts): Touchdown in Bordeaux. Ugh. Airports. The soul-sucking vortex of forced cheerfulness and overpriced coffee. Seriously, why does everything in airports cost a small fortune?
- Anecdote: Almost missed my (pre-booked, thank god) shuttle because I got distracted staring at a truly hideous piece of "art" in the departure lounge. It was a giant, lumpy… thing. I have no idea what it was, but I'm pretty sure it was judging me. Judgey art. Who knew?
- 11:30 AM: Shuttle to Saintes. The landscape begins to shift, and my heart subtly shifts as well.
- Quirky Observation: French road signs! So elegant, even when they're telling you to detour. "Déviation." It just sounds better than "Detour."
- 1:00 PM: Arrival at La Porte Rouge! Oh. My. GOD. Okay, maybe the art wasn't so bad. This place is stunning. I'm immediately floored. The Red Door itself… I mean, come on. The color! It’s like something out of a fairytale, or maybe a really good Instagram post. (Note to self: take a ton of pictures.)
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated awe. I think I actually gasped when I saw the courtyard. I mean, I’m not a huge fan of being emotional…but I can't help it. I need a glass of wine. Immediately.
- 1:30 PM (give or take): Check-in. The receptionist—bless her heart—is incredibly patient with my fumbling attempts at French. "Un chambre, s'il vous plaît… avec… un lit… grand?” I think I asked for a BIG bed. Nailed it.
- 2:00 PM: Room is gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Charming French windows, exposed beams, and a view of… something beautiful. I can't quite remember what it was since immediately had to go and sit down in the bathroom
- 2:15 PM: Collapse on bed. Briefly contemplate calling it a day, and ordering room service for the entirety of the trip.
- 3:00 PM: Force myself out for a little wander. Find a patisserie (naturally).
- Opinionated Language: The croissants here. I am pretty sure I ascended and descended from heaven.
- 3:30 PM: Stroll along the Charente River. Sunlight is shimmering. Everything smells amazing.
- Rambling: I vaguely remember reading something about the Romans and Saintes. Something about the city being important back then—a capital, maybe? Doesn't matter. The water, the light… I'm completely lost in reverie.
- 5:00 PM: Wine. Lots of wine. On the bistro’s terrace, watching the world (and my own rapidly evolving wine-fueled internal monologue) go by.
- Messy Structure: I really wanted to get more done here. I am supposed to be making a mental note of what I will do here. I should, I should, I should. But it's getting dark, and the candles on the tables… Forget it.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner. Try duck confit. This is my first time trying this. It is the epitome of French cuisine. It is perfect.
Day 2: History, Meltdowns, and More Wine.
- 9:00 AM: Wake up. Head hurts. Worth it.
- 9:30 AM: Breakfast at La Porte Rouge. Pain au chocolat; I will eat all of them.
- 10:00 AM: Attempt to visit the Arch of Germanicus. Get hopelessly lost.
- Imperfect Moment: Spend a solid 45 minutes wandering aimlessly in the wrong direction, berating myself for not paying better attention to the map. Curse my terrible sense of direction. Curse the cobblestone streets that seem to deliberately twist and turn. Almost cry.
- 11:00 AM: Actually find the Arch of Germanicus.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: Actually, pretty spectacular. Ancient history! The Romans! I’m suddenly feeling very cultured. (Momentary feeling, I’m sure.)
- 12:00 PM: Lunch - at a café near the Roman Amphitheater.
- 12:30 PM: Visit the Amphitheater.
- 1:00 PM: Explore the old city.
- 2:00 PM: Back to La Porte Rouge for more wine and a nap. This is my favorite part of the day. I will take a nap for as long as physically possible.
- 4:00 PM: Okay, FINE. Back out. This time, I was determined to locate the Abbey.
- 4:30 PM: Successfully find and explore the Abbey aux Dames.
- 5:00 PM: A moment of profound, unexpected peace.
- 6:00 PM: Back to the bistro. Start all over again.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner at a restaurant recommended by the innkeeper. It's a total disaster. Undercooked fish, surly waiter. Feel my earlier sense of culture evaporate like cheap perfume. Vow to eat at a different place tomorrow.
Day 3: Confessions and Revelations; Doubling Down on Delight
- 9:00 AM: Another glorious breakfast. My willpower around pastry is officially gone.
- 9:30 AM: Wander the local markets.
- Quirky Observation: French grandmothers are the best. So stylish, so intimidating, so knowledgeable about cheese.
- 10:30 AM: Decision time: I'm going to do it again! I'm going to visit the abbey again!
- Doubling Down on Delight: Here's the thing—that brief, shining moment of peace at the Abbey yesterday? I NEEDED it. I'm talking a deep, soul-cleansing kind of need. So I walked. And walked. And walked, until I got there and just sat in a pew, absorbing the atmosphere. Thinking. Or, more accurately, not thinking. Just being. It was unbelievably, unexpectedly, wonderful.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch (finally)
- 1:00 PM: Go back to the inn and write. I haven't been writing at all. I have been avoiding it entirely. Today it feels like all that has changed!
- Stream-of-Consciousness: I need to finish something. I am going to finish this trip diary. Okay. I will finish it! And then, maybe, I can get that book I've been meaning to write started, too.
- 4:00 PM: More wine! But this time, I'm going to write! In the bistro!
- 6:00 PM: Dinner at the inn.
- 7:00 PM: Realization: I need to stay here forever.
- 9:00 PM: Sleep.
Day 4: Departure…and a Promise.
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast. One last pain au chocolat. Tears in my eyes as I realize I'm going to miss this.
- 10:00 AM: Check out. Say a heartfelt goodbye to the receptionist. I feel like I know her now.
- 10:30 AM: Last-minute stroll through the town. Buy far too many souvenirs.
- 11:30 AM: Shuttle back to Bordeaux.
- 1:00 PM: Arrive home. Jet lag hits me like a ton of bricks. Crumple onto the couch.
- Overall: It was messy, emotional, and utterly, gloriously imperfect. And I cannot wait to return.
Wrestling with the Truth (and the Sheets): Your La Porte Rouge Questions Answered (Probably)
So, La Porte Rouge... Is it ACTUALLY as enchanting as the brochures suggest? Because, let's be real, brochures lie.
Oh, honey, brace yourself. Brochures are like... well, they're like that Instagram filter you use to hide the fact that you're not sleeping properly. La Porte Rouge? It's... complicated. Enchanting? Parts, yes. Like, the courtyard, with that amazing smell of lavender fighting off the (sometimes overwhelming) scent of the river. The *sunsets*? Forget about it. Jaw-dropping. But then… you remember you're sharing a bathroom down the hall with a family of, let's just say, enthusiastic snorers.
Honestly? It’s got charm. *Real* charm, the kind that comes from chipped paint and slightly wonky furniture. It feels like a place where history just… *happened*. And that's both wonderful and… well, sometimes a little bit dusty.
Okay, let's talk rooms. What's the *real* deal? Are they tiny? Do they have, like, *actual* bathrooms?
Alright, rooms. This is where things get… variable. I stayed in the "Romance" room once. It had a four-poster bed, which was cool until I bashed my knee on it at 3 AM trying to get to the bathroom. (And yes, it did have its own bathroom – *thank god*). Some rooms are bijoux, shall we say? Cozy. Compact. Okay, maybe a little claustrophobic if you’re used to a McMansion. Others are more spacious, but you pay a premium for it. ALWAYS ask to see the room *before* you commit. Seriously. Trust me on this one.
And the bathrooms? They range from "perfectly acceptable" to "let's hope the shower drain works." My first trip… the shower *leaked*. All over the floor. I ended up calling reception, feeling like a total nincompoop, and they were… surprisingly unbothered. Turns out, it was a “seasonal leak.” Seasonal! I died laughing. It's part of the charm, I guess? (I’m still not entirely convinced.)
Food! Is the food worth the hype? (And will I be fighting off seagulls?)
The food… okay, the food is a HUGE draw. The courtyard restaurant is heavenly. Seriously. Picture this: crisp white tablecloths, the soft glow of candlelight, and the aroma of freshly baked bread. The breakfasts? Divine, with fresh croissants and a selection of cheeses to make you weep with joy. One time, I swear, a seagull tried to steal a croissant right off my plate. Pure pandemonium. It swooped down, missing me by inches, then landed on the table across from me looking thoroughly unimpressed. I swear, the little buggers are getting more brazen every year.
The dinner menu is French classic through-and-through. (I recommend requesting your steak "rare" if you actually want a steak, it's just a thought). Is it Michelin-star quality? Nah. But is it delicious, plentiful, and served with a smile? Absolutely. The local wine selection will also get you tipsy, and on top of that make for the best people-watching ever. And that’s kinda perfection in my book – the people-watching, not necessarily the wine, but you know…
Tell me about the staff. Are they… nice? Helpful? Or just perpetually serving *with* a sigh?
The staff... this is where the magic truly happens. It's a mixed bag! Some are absolutely lovely, the sort of people who remember your name and instantly bring you a restorative coffee when they see you. Madame Dubois, the owner's cousin (or was it Aunt? I can never remember), is a legend. She's sassy, has a killer sense of humor, and can make a delicious crepe on the spot (although when I tried to get her to share the recipe, she just winked and told me it was a "family secret").
Others... well, let's just say they have a certain "Joie de vivre" that is both admirable and totally French. You might get a shrug and a "Mais oui?" when asking for extra towels. Don't take it personally! It's part of the experience, it's like getting a taste of the French culture, a very loud-mouthed taste. Embrace the quirks, and you be alright. If you get a sassy waiter take it as a challenge. I love challenges.
Is La Porte Rouge good for families? Or is it more of a romantic couples retreat?
Families…hmm… it depends. On the one hand, kids will love the courtyard, the boat trips on the river, and the fact that they can run around (within reason). However, some of the rooms are, again, *cozy*. And let’s be honest, if your kids are the loud, boisterous type… the other guests might not be thrilled.
It definitely leans towards a romantic getaway. The atmosphere is perfect for lingering over meals, strolling hand-in-hand, and whispering sweet nothings (or maybe just complaining about the stairs, which are a killer). So, sure, families can stay. But maybe pack some earplugs, and make sure your kids are exceptionally well-behaved. Or, you know, embrace the chaos and let them run wild. Just maybe apologize to the other guests in advance.
What are the "must-dos" when staying at La Porte Rouge? (Besides, you know, sleeping and eating.)
Okay, besides the obvious? Here’s the lowdown:
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Sunset Cocktails: Get a cocktail at the bar and watch the sunset over the river. It’s pure, unadulterated bliss. Don't drink too many, though. The journey back to your room can be treacherous. Especially if you ate the mussels.
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River Cruise: Take a boat trip on the Charente River. It's beautiful and a great way to see the town. Look for dolphins! (Okay, I've never actually seen dolphins on the Charente, but a girl can dream, right?)
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Explore Saintes: Wander the Roman Amphitheatre, the Abbaye aux Dames. You know, the usual touristy stuff. But honestly, just getting lost in the little streets is a treat! Don’t be afraid to speak to the locals! I am extremely bad at this. Ask for directions, even if you know the way. Sometimes, you get an amazing story.
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The Courtyard: Seriously soak up the atmosphere. That’s where the magic is. Read a book, sip some wine, people-watch. It's idyllic.
Okay, let's get serious. What's the *biggest* downside of La Porte Rouge?
Honestly? The stairs. The bloody,Your Stay Hub
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