Escape to Luxury: Des Moines' Best Kept Secret (Jordan Creek)
Escape to Luxury: Des Moines' Best Kept Secret (Jordan Creek) - A Review That's Actually Honest (and Hopefully Helpful)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the supposed "luxury" of Escape to Luxury: Des Moines' Best Kept Secret (Jordan Creek). Before you roll your eyes and think, "Ugh, another bland hotel review," trust me. I’m here to spill the tea – the good, the bad, and the potentially lukewarm. And yes, I'm absolutely going to be brutally honest. Because, let's be real, isn't that what we really crave in a review these days?
First of all, let's get the basics out of the way. Accessibility. Look, I'm not disabled, but I always appreciate a place that tries. Escape to Luxury does have facilities for disabled guests, an elevator (thank goodness!), and generally tries to make itself welcoming. I'm seeing a decent effort here, but I can't vouch for the complete experience as I haven't personally tested all the features.
Cleanliness and safety are, naturally, HUGE right now. And I'm happy to report that Escape to Luxury takes it seriously, or at least says it does. They boast Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, and Rooms sanitized between stays. Plus, they have Hand sanitizer stations everywhere and claim their Staff trained in safety protocol. Okay, good. Good, good. I didn't bring a UV light to check for rogue germs, obviously, but visually it looked spotless. And hey, they even offer Room sanitization opt-out, which shows they're at least flexible. They use Professional-grade sanitizing services too, for what that's worth!
Internet Access: The LifeBlood of Modern Existence: Let's not kid ourselves, we are glued to our phones.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Okay, excellent! First, a solid starting point.
- Internet [LAN]: Seriously? Do people still use LAN cables in hotel rooms? Kinda retro, but hey, more options are always appreciated.
- Internet services: Presumably, this means they have internet; I am not sure what this entails.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Yes, of course, just like every other hotel.
Rooms: The Sanctuary (Hopefully): Okay, let's talk about the heart of the matter – the rooms! My room, a lovely Non-smoking one (thank the heavens above), was equipped with a lot of the standard "luxury" amenities, which I was happy to see.
- Air conditioning: Needed, especially during the summer.
- Alarm clock: Actually, I didn't use it, but it was there, and who knows, maybe I would need it.
- Bathrobes: Yes, comfy ones.
- Bathroom phone: Very useful, I used it to call the desk.
- Bathtub: Also very lovely
- Blackout curtains: Perfect for those who want to sleep in.
- Closet: I can store my luggage, so a big plus.
- Coffee/tea maker: This is essential, especially in my life.
- Complimentary tea: Nice touch.
- Daily housekeeping: Okay, this is expected at this level of hotel.
- Desk: Perfect to work from.
- Extra long bed: I don't need that, but whatever, I am sure someone else will.
- Free bottled water: Always a plus.
- Hair dryer: Essential, especially for the girls.
- High floor: I didn't want the noise.
- In-room safe box: Never used them, but they are always in a hotel, and useful in theory.
- Internet access – LAN: Meh.
- Internet access – wireless: Now we are talking.
- Ironing facilities: Great.
- Laptop workspace: Useful to work
- Linens: Yeah, that is what the bed is made of.
- Mini bar: Not exactly bursting with excitement, but it was an option.
- Mirror: All hotels have one, but I am glad they do.
- On-demand movies: Whatever.
- Private bathroom: Thank goodness.
- Reading light: Okay, super helpful.
- Refrigerator: Useful to keep some stuff cold.
- Satellite/cable channels: Always good to have.
- Scale: I didn't want to use it.
- Seating area: Nice.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Lovely.
- Shower: Needed.
- Slippers: Great for walking around the house.
- Smoke detector: Good to have, you know, in case of fire.
- Socket near the bed: Needed, especially for charging our phone.
- Soundproofing: Absolutely essential, especially for me.
- Telephone: Good to have.
- Toiletries: Good to have.
- Towels: A necessity.
- Umbrella: Always good.
- Visual alarm: Important.
- Wake-up service: Why, yes I will, because it is helpful.
- Wi-Fi [free]: Fantastic.
- Window that opens: I didn't open it, but good to have the option.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (aka The Fun Part!):
Okay, let's get to the food because lord knows, I love to eat. They’ve got Restaurants, a Poolside bar, even a Snack bar. Plus, 24-hour room service - a huge plus for late-night snack attacks.
The Restaurant Experience
Now, let me tell you about this one specific experience. It was a disaster, and the reason it was a disaster was so I can tell you about it.
I decided I wanted to experience the "Breakfast [buffet]" experience, since it was supposed to be amazing. So, at 9:30 am, I wandered down, feeling slightly self-important and ready to sample all the wonders. The buffet was set up, but some of the food was cold, and some of the options were lukewarm. I took some stuff and it was not the best breakfast of my life. I am being honest about this.
The "A la carte in restaurant" options looked better, but I didn't want to pay extra for something like that.
And then? Then, the coffee machine broke. Which resulted in a massive queue of sleep-deprived diners staring longingly at the defunct machine and muttering darkly. The wait staff, while trying, were clearly overwhelmed. My emotional reaction? Mostly irritation mixed with a touch of amusement. I mean, come on, right?
The upside, though? The Coffee/tea in restaurant eventually came on, and the staff did a decent job of trying to keep everyone fed and smiling. And the fresh fruit selection was pretty decent! I even had a bit of a chat with one of the servers, and they were lovely.
Now, was this a luxury experience? Absolutely not. Was it disastrous? Well, it was annoying. But, I think that makes it human. And let's face it, everyone has a bad breakfast experience sometimes. I will say, for the price, I expected better.
The Spa and Relaxation:
This is where Escape to Luxury really shines. They have a Spa, of course (it's in the name, basically). They also have a Sauna, a Steamroom, and a Swimming pool (and an Swimming pool [outdoor] !). I didn't get to the pool, sadly, but I did try, and what was on offer was amazing.
- Massage: Yes, I did get a massage, and yes, it was heavenly. The therapist expertly kneaded the stress out of my shoulders. It was worth every penny. Worth. Every. Penny.
- Foot bath: Unfortunately, I skipped this but heard great things.
- Body scrub: Again, sadly, I skipped this one too.
- Body wrap: Same issue.
Things to do, ways to relax:
- Gym/fitness: I didn't go.
- Spa/sauna: As I mentioned, the spa with the sauna and the steamroom was a winner, the spa was great
- Fitness center: Not used.
- Pool with view: Didn't see.
Services and Conveniences:
Escape to Luxury offers the usual array of services, including a Concierge, Daily housekeeping, and Laundry service. They have things like Currency exchange and Cash withdrawal, which is handy.
I'm actually going to give a shout-out to the Concierge Desk. Super helpful! They were knowledgeable and arranged my taxi, and were generally friendly and helpful.
For the Kids:
Escape to luxury is mostly for adults, but if you are looking for a family-friendly hotel, this may not be your choice.
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your sanitized, corporate-speak itinerary. This is the real Des Moines experience, according to yours truly, from the (hopefully) comfy confines of Residence Inn Des Moines West. Let's get messy with it.
Day 1: Arrival, Panic, and Pancake Dreams (and Possibly Regret)
2:00 PM: (ish) Arrive at Des Moines International Airport. Holy crap, is it cold! I've apparently packed for a tropical vacation. Double-checking my suitcase…Yep, swim shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Brilliant. Already regretting this whole "Midwest Adventure" idea. My luggage looked a little rough after the flight, but good thing I got an extended warranty plan for it.
2:30 PM: (actually probably 3PM at this point, thanks, baggage claim) Finally wrangle my suitcase and the rental car. Praying to the GPS gods that I don't end up in a cornfield. I have a fear of cornfields, I think it's from watching too many horror movies, I need a stiff drink, I hope the suite at the Residence Inn is ready.
3:30 PM: Check-in at Residence Inn. Woohoo! Air conditioning! The lobby is surprisingly chic. Definitely Instagram-worthy. Oh, wait, I forgot to change my profile picture.
4:00 PM: Explore the suite. YES! It's a king, with a mini-kitchen. Time to evaluate the complimentary toiletries. The shampoo smells like…well, hotel shampoo. But the water pressure? Chef's kiss. This is living.
5:00 PM: A snack of the complimentary snacks. Maybe I'm just a bit more hungry than before. This is a good deal.
6:00 PM: Dinner at a local restaurant. My phone is not working, maybe the free charging cables aren't charging? Is it because I'm connected to the free Wi-Fi.
7:00 PM: Post-dinner stroll around Jordan Creek Town Center. Wow, this place is enormous! Feel like I'm walking through a movie set. I swear, every store wants a piece of my wallet.
8:00 PM: Back to the room. Actually, the room is pretty nice for a hotel.
9:00 PM: Sleep.
Day 2: Art, Aggravation, and Attempted Culture
- 8:00 AM: Attempt the "complimentary breakfast". Praise be, there are waffles! Waffle time! I construct the perfect waffle tower, drenched in syrup. This is what life is all about. The eggs? Let's be honest, they look like they've been simmering since yesterday. I'll stick with the waffles. And the coffee, which is surprisingly decent.
- 9:30 AM: The Des Moines Art Center. Okay, I tried. Honestly, modern art sometimes feels like an elaborate prank. Some of it genuinely moves me, and some…well, let's just say I'm still trying to figure out what constitutes art. I'm going to buy some stuff in the gift shop.
- 11:00 AM: Frustration Central. The GPS decides to take me on a scenic tour of the Des Moines industrial district. Because, why not? I mutter obscenities under my breath.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch at a diner (hopefully, a good one). I'm craving comfort food after that GPS adventure. Real-life people, real-life food, real-life conversations.
- 1:00 PM: Another walk, back to the Residence Inn, taking a breath.
- 2:00 PM: A swim in the pool.
- 3:00 PM: Work out the gym.
- 4:00 PM: Relax in the lobby.
- 5:00 PM: Dinner at a restaurant. The day is getting better.
- 6:00 PM: Check the hotel.
- 7:00 PM: Watch television.
- 8:00 PM: Back to the room.
- 9:00 PM: Sleep again.
Day 3: Unexpected Charm and Deep-Fried Glory (and Possibly More Regret)
- 9:00 AM: Another complimentary breakfast. More waffles. I’m not proud.
- 10:00 AM: Check out.
- 11:00 AM: Head to the airport.
Final Thoughts (and Utter Chaos)
Okay, so maybe it wasn't a perfectly curated travel experience. There were mishaps, moments of existential dread in front of abstract canvases, and more calories consumed than I care to admit.
But you know what? That’s the point. This trip was real. It was messy. It was mine. And, despite the swim shorts and the occasional GPS-induced rage, I’d do it again. Maybe. (And I’ll pack for the actual weather next time, I promise.)
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Escape to Luxury: Des Moines' Best Kept Secret (Jordan Creek) - The Unfiltered Truth (and a few Secrets I Can't Keep!)
Okay, Okay, Spill it! What *is* this "Escape to Luxury" place you keep babbling about?
Alright, fine! It's... well, it's supposed to be this ridiculously posh spa/salon/retreat thing at Jordan Creek. They promise you a "luxury experience." And the pictures? Oh lord, the pictures. Gleaming white everything, women looking impossibly relaxed with perfect hair and… honestly, it’s kinda intimidating. I actually get *slightly* nervous when I see them. But the rumor mill says it’s actually accessible. And, you know, if it *is* good, I'm *definitely* buying it - with a 10% discount, or I *will* die inside.
Yeah, yeah, luxury. But is it, like, *actually* luxurious? Or just overpriced pampering?
That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? I went expecting, you know, the velvet ropes and the stern-looking attendants. I was half-expecting to have to speak in hushed tones. What I *found*… well, it was… *mostly* luxurious. The waiting area? Gorgeous and smells of something fantastic that I *vaguely* remember from a fancy department store. The robes are SO SOFT, like, cloud-level soft. But then I saw this one woman tripping over her own feet… and you realize you're still just… you. Human. With flaws. And sometimes, you just spill coffee on those ridiculously soft robes. I'm not saying *I* did, but, you know… the temptation is there.
What services are offered? Do they have, like, a decent mani-pedi situation? Asking for a friend (it's me, I need a mani-pedi).
Girl, yes! They have everything! Massages that make you want to weep with happiness (in a good way). Facials that promise to erase a decade (jury's still out on that one, but my skin *does* feel amazing). And yes! The mani-pedi situation is legit. I will say the color selections are… *extensive*. I got overwhelmed the first time. Ended up with something sparkly I wouldn't normally pick, but it was perfect for the evening! It all felt amazing, until... wait for it... I chipped a nail the very next day. The indignity! The horror!
Okay, spilling the good tea: What should you *absolutely* not miss? And what's *totally* overrated?
Okay, here's the tea… or maybe it was chamomile, who knows? Let's start with the MUST-HAVES. **ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MISS:** * **The Massage:** Seriously. Find the therapist who does the deep tissue and prepare to be reborn. Worth every penny. I’m not even kidding, it’s a religious experience. It’s so good, I almost cried tears of pure joy one time. I think I may have made a weird noise or two while I was at it. Oops. * **The Relaxation Room (if they still have it):** Dimly lit, comfy chairs, blankets… This is where you hide from the world. Bring a good book. Or just… stare at the ceiling. No judgment. (Although, truth be told, after a while you start judging the ceiling… and whether *you* could do it. It’s a slippery slope, I swear.) **TOTALLY OVERRATED…** (and this is just *my* opinion, okay?): * The "Special Limited Edition" Facial: Listen, I love a good facial. But the ones with the fancy names and the promises of immortality? Meh. They're usually just more expensive, and honestly, I don’t see a huge difference. Stick with the basic, honestly I'd just go with the massage - it's a better value.
Is it kid-friendly? Like, can I bring my screaming toddlers? (Just kidding… mostly).
Oh, honey, absolutely not! This is an *escape*. A sanctuary. A place to shed all of life's stresses, which… well, toddlers typically don’t allow. My advice? Hire a babysitter and RUN. Run fast and don't look back. The only tiny humans allowed are the ones on the magazine covers. And maybe only then when they're sleeping.
Let's get real. Is it crazy expensive? Will I have to sell a kidney?
Okay, deep breath. It's *not* cheap. Like, it's definitely a "treat yourself" kind of place, not an everyday thing. You won’t *have* to sell a kidney. You *might* have to skip that fancy coffee for a week. My advice? Look for specials or packages. And maybe, just *maybe*, drop some hints to your partner. A birthday or anniversary? Works every time. Okay, maybe not *every* time, but you get my drift.
Okay, you mentioned a weird experience… spill. What's the most… interesting thing that ever happened to you there?
Oh God, where do I even *begin*? Alright, buckle up, this is gonna be long. So, I'd booked what I thought was a standard massage. Feeling a little stressed from work, the usual. And I get in the comfy room... and BAM, this is the day I decide I'm going to try and "be one" with the essential oils. Deep breathing, trying to be all Zen. The therapist starts working on my back. It’s glorious, the best. But then… she hits *that spot*. You know, the one that makes you involuntary make a little noise. In my case, a very, very loud *gasp*. I think I even let loose a little, a teeny tiny, embarrassed yelp. I quickly clapped my hand over my mouth, mortified! But the therapist? Never missed a beat. She just smiled serenely and kept going. It was maybe the most awkward and simultaneously cathartic moment of my life. I kind of think I bonded with her on a spiritual level after that! I mean, we’ve both been there, right? Embarrassment is a shared human condition. Also, I may have snored a little during the face mask. Don't judge.
Overall, is "Escape to Luxury" worth the hype (and the price tag)?
Look, I’m not perfect, and neither is this place. There's the nail incident. The questionable ceiling observation.Hotel For Travelers
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