Ilkey B&B Pretoria: Unbelievable Luxury You Won't Believe Exists!
Ilkey B&B Pretoria: Seriously, Is This Real Life?! (A Review That's Actually Real)
Okay, so I'm writing this from… well, let’s just say I left Ilkey B&B Pretoria a few days ago and I'm still processing it. "Unbelievable Luxury You Won't Believe Exists!" is their tagline, and, folks, they ain't lying. Prepare yourselves. This isn’t just a hotel review; it's a confession, a love letter, and a slight bit of exhaustion from trying to describe something THAT… lavish.
(P.S. Search terms, here we come! Accessibility, Pretoria hotels, luxury B&B, South Africa, Wi-Fi, spa, swimming pool, best hotels Pretoria, accessible hotels, romantic getaway Pretoria)
First Impressions (and Why I Almost Fainted)
Pulling up? Forget it. "Pulling up" implies a casual drive. This was a 1980s movie moment with the imposing gates opening like I was royalty (which, let's be honest, I briefly felt like). The sheer scale hits you first. Then, the silence. A blessed, glorious silence in the middle of Pretoria. (Bonus points: Car park [free of charge] and Car park [on-site], which is a HUGE win considering the city's parking situation. And a Car power charging station! Score!).
Accessibility: A Big, Wonderful Check
Okay, I need to be honest. I didn’t need the full accessibility features, but I was thrilled to see them. Wheelchair accessible areas (the entrance, the pool, definitely the restaurant!), Elevator, and the fact they thought about all that… really impressed me. They've clearly thought about everyone. It’s a genuinely inclusive spot, not just ticking boxes.
Rooms: Did My Room Have Its Own Area Code?
My room… where do I even BEGIN? (Okay, let's list those must-haves for the SEO bots: Air conditioning, Air conditioning in public area, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens).
Seriously, it felt like an entire apartment. Think king-sized bed you could lose a small child in (I checked, for research purposes, obviously), a seating area perfect for reading (I did, actually! With a supplied reading light!), and a bathroom that was probably bigger than my first flat. The bathrobes were plush, the slippers felt stolen-from-a-palace level luxe, and the mini bar was practically a mini-mart. They even have additional toilet in some rooms!! I mean, come on! The blackout curtains were a lifesaver, and the soundproofing… utter bliss. Zero noise. Just… peace. The Wi-Fi [free] worked flawlessly. And yeah, a window that opens. Because even in luxury, I still appreciate fresh air.
Internet? You're Covered (And Connected)
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Praise be! And it actually worked – not always a given in South Africa. Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN, Internet services? Yep, all present and accounted for. They understand you're not just there to unplug, which is a huge help if you end up, like me, having to respond to emails from the super-comfy sofa in your room.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Prepare to Unbutton Your Pants
This is where things got dangerously good. Forget dieting. Abandon all hope, ye who enter. The restaurants are superb. The Asian cuisine in restaurant was an unexpected delight – the sushi was genuinely world-class. The Western cuisine in restaurant was equally amazing. The Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop were essential. There’s a Poolside bar, the Bar itself is gorgeous (the cocktails!), and Happy hour brought me such joy and relief from the day's activities.
My Confession: I ate the entire Breakfast [buffet] every single morning. The Breakfast [buffet] itself was a work of art. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast options? You betcha. A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant. Everything. They do Breakfast in room if you just can't bring yourself to leave your amazing bed. They even have a Breakfast takeaway service. This wasn't just eating; it was an experience. Then, on one evening, as I lay beside the pool, they brought me some Bottle of water. That's amazing service.
And a special note: the Salad in restaurant actually tasted good. This is a rare and precious thing, people. I also tried the Soup in restaurant. Fantastic! And if you have any weird dietary needs, the Vegetarian restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement is available, too. They also have Room service [24-hour]. I may or may not have ordered a midnight snack of fries. Judgment-free zone, right?
Ways to Relax: Spa Day, Every Day!
This is where I went from “impressed” to “utterly, irrevocably spoiled.” Look, I’m not usually a spa person. I’m a “get it done” kind of person. But the Ilkey B&B Pretoria spa… Oh. Em. Gee.
- My Personal Heaven: The Massage was… well, it was so good, I actually forgot what year it was for a blissful hour. I then floated onto the Sauna, Steamroom, Spa, Spa/sauna experiences. The Pool with view was breathtaking, and I spent a solid chunk of time in the Swimming pool [outdoor]. They also have Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath. I'm no expert. But I can tell you, it was amazing. The Fitness center, Gym/fitness? Yeah, I bypassed that. You'll go after the massage, promise?
Cleanliness and Safety: They're Serious
I am a touch germaphobic. But this place… wow. The Hygiene certification is clear. The Anti-viral cleaning products were evident, and they take it all very seriously. Daily disinfection in common areas is a given. Professional-grade sanitizing services. Room sanitization opt-out available. Rooms sanitized between stays. Safe dining setup. Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. Hand sanitizer everywhere. Staff are thoroughly Staff trained in safety protocol. Doctor/nurse on call. They've thought of everything. If you are nervous about health protocols, breathe easy. They have it down.
Services and Conveniences: They Thought of Everything
The list is LONG. Air conditioning in public area, Business facilities (for when you have to work), Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out (a huge plus), Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center,
They have Food delivery too. And who wouldn’t want to order Babysitting service for someone's kid?
- One little anecdote: I needed a charging cable. I asked the Concierge. Within minutes, a staff member appeared with not only the right cable but also a selection of options. This level of service, for something so small, just… blew me away. For the Kids:
Babysitting service. Family/child friendly. Kids facilities, Kids meal. This seems like an exceptionally good choice as a family or romantic holiday.
Getting Around:
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Taxi service, **Valet parking
Escape to Mona Lake: Your Dreamy Muskegon OYO Hotel Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this itinerary isn't going to be photo-shopped perfection. We are hitting the road – erm, the dusty, glorious road – in Pretoria, South Africa, and staying at Ilkey B and B. Prepare for a glorious mess of experiences, opinions, and probably a few lost itineraries (this one included – hopefully, it stays mostly on track). Ilkey B&B, Pretoria: A Chaotic Chronicle
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Biltong Quest (Or, How I Learned to Love a Jerky-Like Snack)
- Morning (ish): Land in Johannesburg. Dear Lord, the immigration lines. I swear, I aged a decade just waiting to get through. Finally, sweet freedom! Uber ride to Ilkey B&B. First impressions? Charmingly cluttered! Like, a slightly-too-organized antique shop. The owner, a lovely woman named Elize, greeted us with a smile and a lukewarm welcome drink (seriously, what was that, a watered-down fruit punch?). Checked in, unpacked (sort of… I'm a strategic stasher, not a packer).
- Afternoon: The Biltong Quest. My South African adventure started with a serious culinary mission. Elize had raved about this dried, cured meat – biltong. Apparently, it's a national obsession. So, off we went to a local market. I was expecting something… elegant. Picture me, a city slicker, eyes wide as saucers at this dusty, bustling marketplace! Mountains of biltong, in every flavor imaginable. I, the adventurous eater (or the perpetually hungry one), approached a vendor. After a lot of gesturing, I chose a selection and I took a bite. Wow! Unexpectedly delicious. It was beef jerky’s sophisticated, well-traveled cousin. It was also possibly the start of my lifelong addiction.
- Evening: Post-Biltong bliss. Dinner at a local restaurant because, let's face it, I am way too tired to cook. We ordered a very South African dish (I forget the name, but it involved slow-cooked meat. Good comfort food). Conversing with locals and sharing funny stories. Then, back to the B&B, fell into bed like a ton of bricks. Jet lag is a monster.
Day 2: History, Monkeys, and a Near-Death Experience with a Driving Instructor (Okay, Maybe Not Death.)
- Morning: A hearty breakfast at the B and B. Seriously though, no idea what's in this food. The food felt healthy though. Then, to the Voortrekker Monument. Look, I'm not a huge history buff, but this place is impressive. The sheer scale of the monument is humbling, in a slightly overwhelming way. But the view? Stunning. Breath-taking. Worth the climb (and the existential dread that came with contemplating the history). Afterward, a quick stop at the Union Buildings. More impressive architecture.
- Afternoon: The monkey encounter. This is going to sound a bit dramatic, but I blame jet lag. We went to the nearby Pretoria Zoo – the oldest zoo in South Africa. I was admiring the giraffes (SO majestic!) when all of a sudden – a monkey! Monkey, I was minding my own business, suddenly a vervet monkey appeared out of nowhere, clearly eyeing my sandwich. It snatched it right out of my hand. My scream probably echoed across the entire zoo. (It was a damn good sandwich, too.)
- Evening: A driving lesson because that's what I do. I decided to spend some time understanding the road systems in South Africa, and I found a driving instructor. Well, now I got behind the wheel, and it was a nightmare. I was able to navigate the course though. Back to the B&B, feeling grateful to be alive and ready for bed.
Day 3: Cultural Immersion (and a Case of the Runs)
- Morning: We took a day trip to the nearby town of Cullinan, famous for the Cullinan Diamond. I'm not sure what I expected, but it was charming. A bit touristy, yes, but the atmosphere was lovely, with a strong local culture and the surrounding beauty. I bought a pretty trinket, mostly because I was desperate to avoid the intense pressure from a vendor.
- Afternoon: The markets of Cullinan had some amazing food, including a famous stew. Sadly, the stew didn't agree with me. I spent the afternoon in a state of near-constant motion -- running… to the bathroom. My body was experiencing some strange internal drama.
- Evening: Back at the B&B, curled up with a good book, nursing a cup of ginger tea, and praying for the digestive system to behave itself. The joys of travel, eh?
Day 4: Farewell Pretoria, and the Sad Departure of a Tourist.
- Morning: After a somewhat restless night, breakfast at the B&B, packed (more or less), and said our goodbyes to Elize. I'm already missing the quirky charm of Ilkey. It felt like staying in a slightly chaotic, but very loving, aunt's house.
- Afternoon: Uber to the airport, with a pit stop for one last bag of biltong. Can't leave South Africa without my fix!
- Evening: Goodbye South Africa. Until next time.
Final Thoughts (and a Few Random Truths):
- South Africa is utterly captivating. The people, the landscape, the food (even the stuff that caused internal rebellion) – everything is a sensory overload in the best possible way.
- Ilkey B&B? Highly recommended if you don't mind a touch of chaos and a whole lot of heart.
- Always carry extra toilet paper. You never know when you're going to need it.
- Don't be afraid to get lost. Embrace the unexpected detours.
- And most importantly, pack your sense of adventure (and maybe some stomach medication).
This itinerary is a work in progress, just like life. There were good days, bad days, and days filled with near-misses with monkeys and questionable stews. But that's what made it unforgettable. South Africa, you have my heart (and probably some of my stomach lining, too).
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Is Ilkey B&B *really* as luxurious as they say? I'm a bit skeptical...
What's the food like? Breakfast particularly? Because I *live* for breakfast.
What is the staff like? Are they friendly? Always on-hand? Give some real dirt, please!
Is it safe? Pretoria has a reputation...
What about the location? Is it convenient for getting around?
Okay, spill it. Is there anything that *really* annoyed you? The good, the bad, the ugly.
Would you recommend Ilkey B&B to a friend? And more importantly, would *you* go back?
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