Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Eletskaya 33 - Unbelievable Views!
Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Eletskaya 33 - Views That Could Kill (But in a Good Way… Mostly)
Alright, folks, let me tell you, this place… Hanaka Eletskaya 33, where the brochure promised "Unbelievable Views!" Well, buckle up buttercups, because they weren’t lying. We’re talking jaw-dropping, Instagram-breaking, "I might just stay here forever" kind of views. But before we wax poetic about the skyline, let's navigate the chaos of my stay (because, let’s face it, travel is always chaotic).
The Good, the Bad, and the Skyline-Defining Ugly (But Beautiful) Truth:
First things first, accessibility. Now, full disclosure: I didn't need wheelchair access myself, so I can't give a definitive "yes" or "no." However, from what I saw (and frantically tried to document for this review, because I am a responsible reviewer, kind of), there was an elevator. Hallelujah. The front door, on the other hand… it was a bit of a squeeze with luggage. Probably best to call ahead and let them know if you need assistance with that, and the entrance doors.
Cleanliness and Safety - Because Let's Face It, We're Living in a Germaphobe's Dream (or Nightmare)
Okay, so, post-pandemic, cleanliness is king. And Hanaka Eletskaya 33 gets it. They're practically obsessed. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Double check. Rooms are sanitized between stays, you can opt-out of room sanitization (thankfully, I can't handle that much cleanliness), and they were using professional-grade sanitizing services. Honestly, I felt safer there than at my own apartment! They even had hand sanitizer everywhere. The staff seemed super trained in safety protocol! They were even using sterilizing equipment. My inner germaphobe was doing the happy dance. They even had hot water linen and laundry washing. Hygiene certification, a thing I was not even aware of, and they have it!
One minor gripe: the shared stationery thing? Gone. Understandable. Still, felt a little… sterile. But hey, better safe than sorry, right? And, thankfully, they had cashless payment service, because who even carries cash anymore?
Diving into the Deep End (and the Views… Again)
Let's talk about those views. I booked a room on a high floor (because, priorities). The moment I walked in, my jaw actually did drop. I felt a strange mix of exhilaration and a little bit of vertigo. The whole apartment was a giant picture window, looking out over Moscow. Stunning doesn't even begin to cover it. You can tell from the pool, the Pool with view alone.
Now, the swimming pool itself? Yeah, that's as good as it sounds. Perfectly heated, with that endless cityscape as your backdrop. I swear, I spent half the afternoon just floating, watching the sun dip below the horizon. Pure bliss. They also had the standard sauna, spa/sauna, and steamroom. All very nice, but seriously, the pool was the star.
The Room Itself: A Luxurious Nest (Mostly)
Okay, so, the apartment was pretty darn luxurious. I had air conditioning, a blackout curtains (essential for escaping jet lag), a comfy sofa, and an extra long bed just waiting to be collapsed on. The bathroom (with a separate shower/bathtub) was pretty swanky, stocked with all the necessary toiletries. There was a coffee/tea maker which I immediately put to good use to enjoy the complimentary tea. I did have a minor issue where the alarm clock made a weird buzzing sound the entire first night, like a tiny, angry mosquito giving the hotel the side eye. But a quick phone call and it was silenced. They had bathrobes and slippers (because you’re a fancy traveler). Very thoughtful of them. The Internet access – wireless worked just fine (thank you for that, I did not want to drag the cable everywhere), The internet access – LAN also worked, so, extra credit to them.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Adventure (and the Laziness)
Breakfast was usually a treat, especially with breakfast in the room option. The breakfast buffet was what you want from a breakfast buffet, except for one day, when they had breakfast takeaway service because the kitchen was being fixed. They had a vegetarian restaurant – which I love – and an Asian restaurant (I'm not a big fan of asian food, but It's there!), with Asian cuisine in restaurant: again, nice to have the option. The Happy hour made me happy. The bar was very nice; I really needed that. The Poolside bar was also nice; I really needed that too. They had a Coffee shop; I'm pretty sure I would have died without the caffeine, and the bottle of water was essential, too.
Things to Do and Ways to Relax: Beyond the Skyline (If You Can Tear Yourself Away)
Okay, so you will be tempted to just stare out the window all day. Resist! (Or don't, no judgment). The fitness center was pretty well-equipped, although I confess, I mostly used it to admire the even better views. They had a massage, a foot bath, a body scrub, and a body wrap which I may or may not have gotten… and may or may not have felt utterly spoiled.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter (and Some That Don't)
They have a concierge! A blessing. Room service [24-hour] is also a blessing. The fact that there's a convenience store is what makes for the best experience. I did not try the Babysitting service, since I was traveling alone, but that's a nice feature.
One thing that felt a little unnecessary: the Shrine. Like, why? Where do I put it? But hey, different strokes, different folks.
They also have, if you have special event needs, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Indoor venue for special events, Outdoor venue for special events, and Wi-Fi for special events.
The Grumbles (Because No Place is Perfect)
Okay, time for the imperfections. The service, while generally good, had a few hiccups. One time, they forgot to bring my coffee, which I had to order again. Minor, really.
And the noise! I’m a light sleeper, and the traffic outside, even on a high floor, could be a bit much. Soundproof rooms are a big plus, however!
Final Verdict: Worth It? Absolutely.
Look, if you're going to Moscow and want to treat yourself, Hanaka Eletskaya 33 is a solid choice. The views alone are worth the price of admission. You’ll be glad that there is a car park [free of charge]. The cleanliness is reassuring, the location is convenient, and the amenities are plentiful. Is it perfect? Nope. But is it an experience you'll remember? Absolutely. Would I go back? Without a doubt.
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Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandmother's itinerary. This is my attempt to wrangle a Moscow adventure from the comfy cushions of Apartment Hanaka Eletskaya 33. And let me tell you, the "comfort" is already starting to feel a little too comfortable. I mean, who am I kidding? I'm probably going to spend half my trip glued to the window, watching Muscovites hustle, wondering if the pigeons are judging my lack of Russian language skills.
Moscow Mayhem: A Totally Unorganized Itinerary (Because Let's Be Real, Life Is Unorganized)
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (…in a Good Way, I Think)
- Morning (whenever I actually drag myself out of bed): Arrive at Domodedovo Airport (DME). Pray my luggage made it – I swear, the airport baggage carousel is a portal to another dimension where socks go to disappear. Taxi to Apartment Hanaka Eletskaya 33. The address sounds incredibly sophisticated; the reality probably won't be. Already anticipating a moment of "lost in translation" with the taxi driver. Oh, joy.
- Late Morning/Early Afternoon: Unpack. Then immediately repack because I KNOW I overpacked. Wander around the apartment like a lost puppy, marveling at the sheer newness of it all. (And secretly judging the interior décor. Sorry, Hanaka-san, but that floral wallpaper… is it ironic? Or is it just… floral?)
- Afternoon: Find a local grocery store. The thrill of deciphering Cyrillic labels! The potential for catastrophic culinary errors! The sheer, unadulterated wonder! I'm envisioning a scene involving a jar of pickled something-or-other and me making a questionable face. (Spoiler alert: it will happen.)
- Evening: Attempt to find a decent restaurant nearby. My Russian is… well, let’s just say I'm fluent in waving my arms and looking hopeful. I'm aiming for a cozy, authentic place. Probably end up in a tourist trap. But hey, at least the vodka will be cold.
- Extra Thought: I just realized I forgot to pack my favorite travel pillow. This is a monumental crisis. How will I ever sleep?!
Day 2: Red Square and the Ghosts of Tsars (and My Impending Blisters)
- Morning: Drag myself out of bed (this is becoming a theme). Metro to Red Square. The Metro itself is a work of art, right? The stations are gorgeous. The crowds, maybe not so much. Prepare to be utterly gobsmacked by St. Basil's Cathedral. I'm talking full-on tourist-with-mouth-gaping-open mode. (Don't judge.)
- Late Morning: Explore Red Square. GUM department store! It will be either fabulously opulent or a complete let-down. I'm guessing a bit of both. Then: Lenins Tomb. I'm not sure how to feel about this. Historical artifact? Creepy? Both?
- Afternoon: Lunch somewhere near Red Square. Avoid the obvious tourist traps. (Famous last words.) Stroll through Alexander Garden. Take a million photos. Pretend to look cultured and thoughtful. (I'll probably just be exhausted, and desperately searching for a decent coffee. Good coffee is a survival skill.)
- Afternoon (continued): Climb up the Kremlin. Experience the sheer POWER of history. Also, try not to trip over cobblestones. My feet are already starting to protest. I'll probably need a foot massage by days end. I'm talking blister city.
- Evening: Dinner and a show! Or maybe just dinner. Finding a show in a language I don't (yet) understand is ambitious. I'll likely watch a movie back at the apartment because I'm likely going to be exhausted.
Day 3: The Power of Art, Vodka, and Misunderstandings (Oh, the Russian Stereotypes)
- Morning: Tretyakov Gallery. Brace myself for art overload. I have no idea what half these paintings are, but I intend to stare at each one until I understand the vibe. Take way too many notes in my tiny notebook. (Don't tell anyone I'm wearing my glasses.)
- Lunch: Find a cute cafe near Tretyakov. Practice my limited Russian in a very adorable way. (Hopefully, it works.) Order something I can't pronounce. Regret it. Eat it anyway.
- Afternoon: Arbat Street. Touristy, yes. But also buzzing with life. Street performers, souvenir shops… Resist the urge to buy a matryoshka doll that inevitably breaks on the flight home. (I've been there, I've learned.)
- Evening: Vodka tasting! Embrace the Russian spirit (literally). Find a small, local bar – the kind where the locals all look like they know each other. Attempt to order a shot. Probably end up ordering the entire bottle. Stare at the world in utter bewilderment that is the result of too much vodka.
- Added thought: I really, really hope I don't make out with anyone tonight. Or worse, accidentally insult a babushka!
Day 4: The Metro, More Art, and the Quest for the Perfect Blini
- Morning: Metro adventure! Take a different line. Get incredibly lost. Figure it out eventually. Admire the stunning architecture of the stations. Feel slightly smug when I almost manage to navigate the system without embarrassing myself too much.
- Late Morning: Pushkin Museum of Fine Arts. More art! More staring! More attempting to look intelligent, but failing.
- Lunch: The quest for the perfect blini! Search for a traditional cafe serving these glorious, fluffy masterpieces. Devour them with sour cream, jam, or whatever delights are available. It's a mission, dammit.
- Afternoon: Park time. Gorky Park? Or maybe a smaller, more local park depending on how adventurous I feel (or how many wrong turns the Metro has taken me on.) People-watching. Relaxing. Maybe reading a book, if I can actually focus for a second.
- Evening: Farewell Dinner. Find a truly unforgettable restaurant to celebrate. Or, let's be honest, order takeaway back at the apartment because I'm tired and full of cultural exhaustion.
Day 5: Departure – with (Hopefully) a Few Good Stories
- Morning: Pack. Curse myself for not buying more souvenirs. Say goodbye to Apartment Hanaka Eletskaya 33. The apartment has grown on me. It's starting to feel like home. Realize I'll miss it.
- Afternoon: Head to the airport. Reflect on the trip. Think about all the things I saw, the people I met (or attempted to meet), and the questionable food choices I made.
- Evening: Fly home. Fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow. Dream of Red Square, blinis, and the sheer, chaotic, beautiful mess that is Moscow.
Added Afterthought: I truly hope my passport is still valid. And, on that note, where the heck is my passport?!
This is my rough draft. Actual execution will vary wildly. There will be tears. There will be laughter. There will be lost luggage. There will be amazing stories. And, most importantly, there will be an unwavering quest for the perfect blini. Wish me luck! And maybe send chocolate. And a translator would be nice.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Hanaka Eletskaya 33 - Views That'll Make You Weep (Maybe)
Okay, so you're thinking about Hanaka Eletskaya 33. Let me tell you, I have thoughts. Mostly good, some deeply confusing, and a few that involve me weeping dramatically at the sheer vastness of the Moscow skyline. Let's get to it, shall we? Buckle up; this is gonna be messy.
1. Seriously, are the views *that* good? Everyone says that.
Look, I went in expecting hyped-up real estate fluff. You know, the panoramic promises. But... damn. Seriously, damn. They're almost offensively good. One morning, I swear, I woke up and thought I was hallucinating. The sun was hitting the spires of the Kremlin just right, painting them gold. It was the kind of view that makes you question all the bad decisions you've ever made. It's that powerful. I almost hugged the window. Almost. Don't judge me.
Okay, let’s be real. A few clouds can ruin it. A little smog is the worst. I hate when the view is meh. But even when the light isn’t incredible, you can see so, so far. You can watch the city breathe. Trust me, the views are the main selling point. I just want to lie on the couch and stare out the window. No phone. No book. I need more windows!
2. Is the apartment actually LUXURIOUS, or is that just marketing speak? (Asking the real questions here.)
Okay, so, “luxury.” It’s the real deal. The furniture is… well, let's just say my IKEA-loving heart had a mini-stroke of envy. Everything is clearly expensive. Think polished surfaces, high-end appliances, and a bathroom that’s bigger than my entire first apartment. There’s a walk-in closet that could house a small family. Do I *need* all that? No. Do I want it? ...Maybe.
But here's the thing. One time, I tried to use the fancy espresso machine. I watched a YouTube tutorial (because, let's face it, who knows anything about expensive coffee machines these days?). I thought I’d done it right. Nope! I was basically showering in coffee grounds, and everything was sticky. My face… oh yeah. So luxurious, so sticky. Moral of the story: even luxury has its learning curve. And requires a LOT of paper towels.
Also, there are like, 3 remotes. How many remotes does one need?!
3. What's the vibe of the neighborhood like? Is it… safe?
The neighborhood is… polished. Very polished. Think clean streets, well-dressed people, and a distinct lack of graffiti. Definitely safe. Probably too safe, if I'm being honest. I get a little nervous walking around at night, as it's so quiet, I feel like I'm being watched. There's a feeling of being watched, I guess. It's all... a lot.
There are some really fancy restaurants nearby, that you can’t afford. Not really. Honestly, I ended up eating at a small place a block away. The food was incredible. Probably better than the fancy ones. Much cheaper too!
Oh, and walking around there, I almost bumped into a famous Russian actor. I was so starstruck I dropped my shopping. I was so embarrassed!
4. The pictures show a balcony. Can you *actually* use it? Is it a decent size?
Oh, the balcony. This is a saga. The balcony is great, don't get me wrong. It adds to the view and it feels amazing. But. Here comes the but. The first week I was there, I went out and had a full meltdown because I left the door open. The air conditioning was blasting, the views were amazing, and I locked myself out. Ugh. My fault entirely.
I had to call management. I was so embarrassed and it all happened in front of the view. I had to call them, and they were very nice. But it took an hour! And it was freezing inside the apartment.
So, yes, you absolutely can use it. Just, you know, be careful with the doors. And, if you can, get a lock that you can trust.
5. Any deal-breakers I should know about? Aside from my coffee machine incident.
Okay, deal-breakers… Hmm. The building staff can be a little… formal. Like, perfectly polite but with the emotional range of a brick. But hey, that’s Russia, right? The walls are a little thin. I heard my neighbor’s opera practice at 3 AM one night. And the lift got stuck once. It was terrifying.
Oh, and the internet. It’s… not always the fastest. You’re paying a lot for internet. So, when it doesn’t work, I was frustrated. It got fixed eventually, but sometimes I needed to, you know, check my emails at the top of the day, and it didn’t always work. Pretty minor, all things considered, but it should be mentioned. Especially when you're trying to edit a video with that view!
Also, it's expensive. Really expensive. But you already knew that, didn't you?
6. Is it worth the money, ultimately? Would you rent it again?
That's the million-dollar question, isn't it? Honestly? The views… yeah, they're worth it. The overall experience… even with the coffee incident, the internet tantrums, and the slightly unsettling formality of the building… yeah, probably. I'd be a liar if I said I wouldn't rent it again. You can’t put a price on a view that makes you feel tiny and insignificant, yet also incredibly privileged.
I mean, I fantasize about lying on the couch and staring out the window again, right now. And yes, I’m absolutely going to learn how to use that espresso machine properly next time. And possibly invest in a good set of noise-canceling headphones. And maybe, just maybe, actually enjoy the whole experience. I'd recommend it.
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